if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When are your genitals available?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
