At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
