where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
