ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
