seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
