"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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