how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just googled if crying burns calories
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
