Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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