My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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