He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
