I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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