I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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