Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
