You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
