At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
