i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
