I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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