She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize