The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I party with great urgency now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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