wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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