brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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