Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
