hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
