My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
