He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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