I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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