I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
