Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
