I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
