i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
