He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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