and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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