I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he had hair everywhere except his balls
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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