I'm sorry my penis didn't work
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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