Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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