So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My dick has a subreddit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
