I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
