i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
