I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
