dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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