I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
