How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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