remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize