God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
