I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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