Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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