Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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