Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it glows. i had to have it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
