did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
