I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
