just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
