I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
