I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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