Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
