She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
