i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
