Only a mothe r could love this liver
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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