it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
