It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
