Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
well you can't waste a boner
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
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what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is that strawberry winking at me??
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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