Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
