Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize