I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
