There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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